5 Steps To Live After Divorce
5 Steps To Live after Divorce and Separation!
The pain and trauma of divorce and separation is more real and piercing than the common person realizes it. So if you are struggling with these pains, read on, and grasp the secret to live after divorce in a more blissful life.
The one question to ask yourself is “Are things really as bad as they seem?” This will help you get your rational back in place when making critical decisions, because things are never really as bad as they seem.
You can still have a life after you are divorced with the following 5 Steps.
You should check out our short video – 5 Steps to Life after Divorce! for more encouragement and details.
Step One: Accept It Happened!
The first thing to do, to make your way out of that depression and trauma is to accept what happened and take responsibility for it and your life. Many people after divorce try to deny the fact that it happened for the sake of social pride and reputation. This is seen when they begin to profusely indulge in relationships immediately after they divorced in the effort of drowning their emotional pain. Hiding behind a million social events and relationships is trying to run away from the pain instead of dealing with it. So sit down, accept the situation of things and take the next steps to reach liberty.
Step Two: Get Help From The One Person Who Can Truly Help You!
Everyone going through a divorce suffers two major challenges namely that of a broken heart and a crushed spirit. A broken heart has to do with the center for life. Many after a divorce or separation feel they don’t have any reason to live, go to work or do anything. This causes some to indulge in drugs as their center for life is affected. But there is a solution for the broken hearted and that is in God. He is the mender of the broken hearts and healer of crushed spirits. Jesus said this of himself in the book of prophet Isaiah in the 61th chapter
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
NKJV (emphasis added)
So God indeed acknowledges you have a broken heart, and heals the broken hearted. So give yourself over to God’s unconditional love that will cleanse you of your mess. A good word of encouragement from scripture about God’s love is in Psalms 34:17-19
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. 18 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all.
You naturally can’t handle this alone reason why you need God in prayers and spiritual support/counsel.
Step Three: Get A Balance Between Too Many and Too Few Friends
When going through a divorce experience, the person usually results to one of either too few friends (introvert) and too many friends (extrovert). Some in their pain prefer to stay isolated and solitary with 1 or 2 friends who understand them. However, this could be dangerous as wrong thoughts can easily be nurtured in such minds. On the other hand some become extreme extroverts or as Dr. Munroe puts it – Social Butterflies. Just hooking up with anyone and everyone that shows up and so they still try deny it happened. Getting a balance in your friendships will provide good environment for growth and change.
Step Four: Set Priorities To Regain Yourself, Your Self-esteem and Become Whole Again.
Since failing doesn’t make you a failure, the fact you failed in a marriage doesn’t cancel the great, talented and gifted person you are. You still have potential and a purpose to fulfill. So make a plan, set your priorities to regain your self-esteem, self-concept so you can finish the great work God created you for. This could mean you will have to seek counsel from spiritual authorities who base their counsel on scriptures to help you make rational and right decisions which are not influenced by your emotions. The last thing to after a divorce is to rush into another relationship. You must do as the apostle Paul as he wrote in Phil 3:12-14
12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
You must let go off the past so you can reach over to many possibilities of happiness the future offers.
Step Five: Persevere – Stay On Course to Wholeness
No one said this was going to be easy, but if you want the best for your life strong enough, then everything else will have no choice but to give way to you. Once you have set up the first four steps you must continue in them to the exhilarations the light at the end of that tunnel offers.
Don’t give up and don’t give in. You can’t quit on yourself because somebody quit on you. They didn’t just know how precious and valuable you are. You are important and worth fighting for, so fight for yourself – rise, dry your eyes and take responsibility for the kind of life you want. There is more to your life than meets the eye, you just have to press and give it a chance.
Finally, do like the apostle Paul – press toward the fulfillment of your purpose and if you pressing toward your purpose and God puts someone new in your way well… press with them.
People perish for lack of knowledge and understanding, therefore proper knowledge is what makes the difference. I have included below two powerful resource materials to help you continue on your journey to new life and wholesomeness. Books from which this article got inspiration. Just follow the click the book below and get your copy and/or a copy for a friend.
Besides the book, for more resources like CDs,tapes,journals etc. Click here!
Single, Married, Separated and Life After Divorce
So these were steps to help you get your life back together. I will love to hear what you think of any of these steps. Also, if there is any step to getting whole again after divorce that helped you particularly in some way, I and your fellow readers will be delighted to learn from you in the comments below.
Caution!!! (The experience of divorce is not an easy one, so if you are still thinking of getting a divorce I will advice you to stop thinking, it’s easier to get counsel and save your marriage than trying to practice these steps. You don’t believe me? – ask any divorcee!)
To love is to share, I encourage you to share this article with three (3) of your friends/family or loved ones whom you know will appreciate it, and get their feedback!
Join the discussion in our Divorce forum!