3 Reasons Why You Should Never Divorce
Divorce is a path moving people into deeper pain than a way out of marital crisis. In all domains of life, quitters never win – this including marriage. When your marriage is going through crisis, it is better to hang in there and find a solution than to desire to leave the boat. Leaving is too high a price pay for a temporal crisis or trouble. Let’s look at the 3 reasons why you should never divorce and also see practical steps to saving your marriage and family from all sorts of crisis.
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The worst experience anyone could experience is divorce, it is worse than death. Many have no idea of how deep it is until they find themselves in it. The word divorce comes from the Latin word “to defect” used in the military. Defection is turning your back away on a cause you promised to die for therefore the penalty was death. So no matter the crisis going on in your marriage, divorce is definitely too far fetch a solution. Let’s look at 3 reasons you should reconsider on divorce and 5 proposed steps to fixing your marriage.
The reasons you should never divorce are:
1) Divorce Traumatizes Your Life
The bitter experience of terminating your marriage and getting your heart broken will leave you with wounds that take a lifetime to heal and scars that never disappear. It feels like a deep hole is created in your heart and all that is life and good is slipping into it. The trauma of divorce usually leaves its victims lacking self-esteem, self-worth, frustrated, fearful and sometimes demented. The changes that come with are quite tough for the mind to process; the total change of identity from married to single, the change in the way activities are done, a change of home and also change of name for women. Your whole identity is affected and according to psychologist, the number one human problem is identity crisis.
2) Divorce Traumatizes Your Children
Most at times, children suffer the most in events of divorce. They suddenly have to get used living with only one parent or even sometimes a grandparent. The start seeing one their parents like some outcast who can’t live in the same home any longer with them. All these traumatize the child and considerably affects their childhood and growth though not very evident in the beginning. Children need the safety of a home and the support of both parents to develop good self-esteem and self-worth. A large majority of convicts trace their behavioral problems to a broken home.
3) Divorce Tears Down Society
Though a couples divorce may appear to concern only both of them, it really concerns the whole nation. A nation is simply a collection of communities, which are a collection of families, which are a product of marriage. So every divorce affects the nation. When kids grow up lacking proper self-esteem and self-worth, they tend to not value anyone else since they don’t value themselves. It’s important to realize that skyrocketing numbers of street crimes and promiscuity is directly related to the many divorces and broken homes we have in our society today. So divorce is not your plight alone but that of a whole nation and the world.
So, if you fully comprehend the stakes here, you will realize that is better to be in that crisis and find a solution forward than to quit. Right away, I am going to propose a five steps formula to help you save your marriage. These steps will help anyone in one these situations/cases or any other;
- When where both spouses are willing and interested in saving their marriage and avoiding divorce.
- In the case where only one spouse is willing and interested in saving the marriage while the other spouse simply wants divorce – probably for selfish reasons.
- In the case where one spouse is being abused by the other spouse who may not necessarily care about the future of the marriage.
The steps to avoiding divorce and saving your marriage are:
1) Determine Within Yourself to Save Your Marriage
The very first step to saving your marriage is determine within yourself to save it. This means you are willing to do anything rightly possible to succeed. At this point, it is longer time to point fingers at anyone but rather to acknowledge the challenge at hand, focus on the solutions and take responsibility to executing those solutions.
2) Get Help from Authorized Dealers on Marriage
Marriage is a product manufactured by a manufacturer and like any other product when it needs repairs, you must take it back to the manufacturer or authorized dealers. Marriage is the Creator’s product. God designed it and He can best repair it. Our personal subjective point of views are not important. The Creator’s manual – Biblical scriptures is the only reliable source of information to repair your marriage. Authorized dealers here are those who give you advice based on the manual and have proven to have understood the principles therein themselves by their own successful marriage life. These could be marriage counselors, pastors etc. Your marriage adviser must have their own marriage to show for it.
It is somewhat foolish to get advice from someone with a PhD who has been married 4 times. It is important the couple attend the counselling sessions together as they practice openness and willingness to take responsibility instead of push blame.
3) Become a Student in the School of Marriage
Marriage is so delicate that it demands proper preparation before embankment and all the way through it. However, very few prepare for marriage, we spend more time preparing for wedding than for marriage. We assume just because we love another, we are going to make it through a lifetime relationship – well love never keeps marriage together, wisdom, understanding and knowledge does. To save your marriage, there are things you must do. Adequate study and comprehension of the truths about making marriage work will provide the right wisdom to effect positive change. Read books based on scriptural principles written by people with proofs to show. I recommend these <link> Top 10 Marriage & Relationship </link> books.
Once you start studying, you will begin to see the mistakes you have been making and steps on how to overcome them and save your marriage. Out of ignorance many get complacent, negligent and bad habits creep into their marriage. For example, the right kind of love to make marriage work is Agape – love without expectation or reason. When you can find a reason why you love your spouse, then that means there is an expectation. If you love them because they are slim that means you expect them to remain slim. But expectation generally births disappointment and eventually separation.
4) Engage Fervent Prayer
Prayer is a powerful tool to overcome the mental and spiritual forces fighting our nations and communities from its marriage roots. This step is critical for cases b & c not excluding a. You can’t control the will of your spouse to join you in the mission to save your marriage, but you certainly can implore the Creator to influence them because He has that ability and willingness if you would just ask fervently.
5) Keep Away from Bad Friends and Negative Influences
Like the saying “birds of feather flock together”, it is inappropriate for a married person to spend most of their time with singles or divorcees. Every prolonged un-monitored interaction will plant wrong seeds into your mind and subconsciously you begin to act on them. Some love series movies based on fantasies could be quite inappropriate. Sometimes people believe the fantasies created by the film director to be reality and they tend demand the same from life, or their spouse. Guard your environment jealously from ideological poisons.
In conclusion, there is always a better and cheaper way to solve marital issues if we just understand the stakes and are willing enough to pay the price. Divorce is bad, God hates divorce, He didn’t create any remedy for it. So we must stop putting it on the table of options for solving marital crisis. Choosing divorce is not solving the problem but rather exchanging the problem for a more complicated and traumatic one. For more on the topic of relationships and marriage, check out our catalog of <link> Marriage and Relationship</link> articles. For an immediate start, I will recommend these two books. Get copy of each, transform your marriage and support us in the process.
<link> The purpose and power of love and marriage</link> <link> Single, Married, Separated and Life after Divorce </link>
So those were my 3 reasons why you should never divorce and 5 steps to save your marriage. If you have any questions or comments, I will be happy to help as much as I can in the comments below. If you loved this article, then I encourage you to support us by sharing it with two (2) loved. Thanks for reading!
Wisdom for Dominion.